Daddy Knows Less here, channeling my inner Neil Diamond. (As if you don't have one.) Question for you:
What did I say to you? What did I tell you? I said nothing big. Wait...that's Robert DeNiro from Goodfellas. But what I said to you was, "BE YOURSELF." And what did one of last week's eliminated bloggers say in hindsight? "I took a chance and went country when in reality I'm a rocker." Geez, people. I am trying to HELP you here. Help me help you. Help ME. Help YOU. (What other movie?)
On Friday, it got real. Two people were booted. We will never hear from them again. I don't even remember their names. That's not true. I was really sad to see so-and-so and whats-her-name go. But they are unfortunately one and done. That's both the beauty and the cruelty of this competition. And this week, I have a whole new batch of judges you need to impress.
First up is Brent at Sooperdad Blog of Awesomeness. He recently became a stay-at-home dad and decided to blog about it. He, like most stay-at-home parents, just wants to be entertained. "It can be heart-wrenching, funny, nonsensical, or dramatic," he says. Just grab his interest and hold it all the way through. (He has like 14 kids and therefore a very short attention span.) He admits he is a stickler for spelling, but grammar not so much.
Next up is April from Wildflowers and Whimsy. She is intent on making motherhood fabulous. She is also a big LSU football fan. So I'd try to avoid any references to that shellacking Alabama handed her team in the championship game in January. (Sorry, April.) As for what to include, "Just wow me," she warns. "Show me what you can do, and use correct grammar and spelling while doing it." So your poor-grammar holiday ends with Brent apparently. Here's a good tip from April: "Don't talk about yourself in the third person. It's obnoxious." DKL agrees.
Then we have Cat from Honey Badger Press. She's ready to "serve you some truth with a side of butt hurt." Cat is a living example of my cautionary tale about being yourself. She decided not be herself one week during last year's Blogger Idol. Some of the judges thought she swore too much. So she didn't swear at all in her next post and promptly got eliminated. Her parting shot was, "It's not my job to blow sunshine up your ass." That also just so happens to be the slogan on her blog. She is a grammar hawk like some of the others but is also looking for "a sincere LOL." But warns, "I am off of my meds today." Good luck navigating that minefield.
Amy, the Non-Stop Mom was nice enough to actually stop for a moment and share her thoughts: "grammar, spelling, humor is good, not too long because I have the attention span of a........oh, look, something shiny....." Now if I'm being fair, that is a horribly constructed run-on sentence on her part. But, she's a judge. And who am I to judge?
Actually, this week, I am a judge. I think I have given you enough insight into my thinking already. If you haven't listened to me by now, you're probably not going to listen to me at all. So I will say no more.
And now another surprise: A blogger who needs no introduction, Nikki from Moms Who Drink and Swear, is our guest judge this week. If you don't know her, you've been blogging under a rock. She has so many followers that her Facebook page could qualify for statehood. She is a juggernaut, a force in the blogosphere, and single-handedly put my blog on the map just because she wanted to. (And let's be honest, it's a helluva blog.) She also just so happens to be one of the nicest people I know, when you get passed the drinking and swearing. What is she looking for? "Authenticity and an original voice," she says. "F*ck grammar." There ya go.
Now for DKL's tip of the week: Beware the double-edged sword that is immunity. Sure, you're safe for that week. But you're also probably not putting your best work out there because you wrote it so fast. Thus, you're not impressing the swing voters. You're also not putting yourself out there as much because you're not asking for votes since you don't have to. I never went for immunity. I wanted to make sure my posts stood out and that I was judged for my writing. I made it to the finale.
Good luck, bloggers. May the judges - and the votes - be ever in your favor.