Daddy Knows Less. Just when I thought I was finally over being runner-up last year, they pull me back in. So what I should say is, "welcome to my nightmare. The water's still warm." I'm here to help the contestants get into the minds of the faceless, heartless people who will be judging them. Trust me, it's a very dark and scary place. These people are highly opinionated while for the most part being highly medicated.
Still, I waded into their psyches for you, esteemed Top 13. So you have some idea of what you're up against. Judging this week we have last year's champ, Lisa from The Spaghetti Westerner. She's done what all of you want to do. So you might want to listen to her. (And impress her.) She says she wants you to tell her a story. And not a bedtime story, either. You have three sentences to catch her attention. Three sentences. I repeated myself not because that bears repeating, but as an example of what not to do. Lisa doesn't want you making the same point over and over again. You get the point?
We also have John from Daddy's in Charge, the guy who writes a great blog with keyboard and Legos. John's a stay-at-home dad who admits he might just be a "dick" (his word) when he's reading your post. It all "depends on what kind of mood that my kids have put me in that day," he says. So here's hoping for your sake his boys are well-behaved. He also has a very short attention span, due to his stay-at-home dadness. So you need to grab him in the beginning as well.
Then there is Chris, ..from the Bungalow. He's a self-proclaimed hippy nerd. But you might want to pay more attention to the nerd than the hippy because he wants to see "concise writing with little to no filler."(I think he would HATE this post, for example.) He wants shiny adjectives and verbs that pop. He's big on inspiration.
Next up is Isis, from Bay Area Mommy. She is a Christian stay-at-home mom, lover of coupons, freebies & giveaways, and a product reviewer. I am also going to go ahead and add Grammar-Nazi-of-the-Week to her description. She wants "proper grammar and sentence structure." And "a little creativity would be nice." Ouch, babe. She's the living embodiment of Mrs. Mulvaney, my high school English teacher. You want to impress her? "Begin with the end in mind," she says. "I love it when you end your posts with a thought that has something to do with how you started it."
Finally we have the mysterious Tessa Taboo. She's blunt, honest, and not the type you'd bring home to mom because she won't sugarcoat what she says. She wants to be wowed. (Rawr.) "This is the audience's first impression of you," she says. "Bring your 'A' game this week, and make people want to pull for you." (Oh, THAT kind of "wowed.")
As if that's not enough information to have you second-guessing what you've already written for this week, now a surprise: Tara from You Know It Happens At Your House Too will be serving as a guest judge this week. She's super excited and honored to be involved. But I don't think it would be much fun to know what she's looking for. Do you? I mean, what's the fun in that?
I leave you with DKL's tip of the week: Be yourself. No joke. You got you here. Be you. Write you. Even if you get voted off, you can say you stayed true to yourself and your blog. That's pretty cool. Until next week, good luck to all. And may the odds - and votes - be ever in your favor.